i read a blog of my singaporean friend today. he just broke up with his girlfriend... sad stuff. however i dont think i will understand such an emotion really well, cos i never had a girlfriend to begin with. to be honest, i dont really understand the meaning of intimacy. i cant bring myself to reveal my intimate thoughts to anyone, except if im on the verge of death. ive revealed my frightened thoughts once, n that was when i was prepared to die. what a grave tone! anyway i didnt die. woohoo! but whats the point of keeping my feelings in? i guess i dont want to be at the mercy of anyone else, with him knowing my fears n weakness. its always better to have a little intrigue.

i went snowboarding 2 weeks ago. i lost my toque and gloves. i landed on my head twice. i had whiplash. i was sore all over. yeaa. i also made some new friends. my group consisted of 16 people. i spent a lot of money. not good... i dont think ill go snowboarding again very soon. i wish i could make my blog more interesting, but i dont know what interests people. is it sex? materialism? or something else? ive lost the ability to empathise well. yea... 3 years of being detached from the soul does that to you.

oh yes. my friend interviewed me for her school newspaper, since i was a refugee and all. i guess thats interesting. i put my pseudonym as "cher kwang poh", which is my OC's name. i wanted to put my platoon sergeants name, but i dont remember his name. i dont remember any of my sergeants names. its sad. maybe its somewhere in my memory, but ive forced it so much out of my mind i dont think i can recollect it anymore. i had been trying to expurgate the whole NS experience from my mind. i probably shouldnt have done that. i lost some of my mental faculties, such as empathy and memory. regular things that impress other people dont really do the same to me now. im only bent on the issue of NS, not really openly, but quietly. i hope time will allow me to relieve myself of such a desire.

apart from that, i have to say that langara college has quite a lot of eye candy. but whats the point of eye candy if they cant relate to you? but thats too much of an expectation from me. nobody can relate to me, cos my life experience is unique. anyway, the girls are really sexy, dressy and hot! the south asian girls here arent the kinds youll find in singapore. the south asians here are hot! there was a girl named sabrine in my orientation group and she was the hottest indian ive ever seen in my life! shes really pretty. btw, im taking math, psychology, english and macroeconomics.

im having trouble finding housemates. its probably due to winter. there are lesser people looking to move in this cold period. my previous housemate was an iranian gay. hes around 31. he had a really interesting history. he has been imprisoned in iran a few times when he was a teenager, for offences like "long hair", or "wearing short sleeves". yea, its terrible in iran. the straw came when he was conscripted. he deserted after a while. he was returned to camp by his father. his father bribed the commander not to punish him. well, he deserted again. this time, his dad bought him a fake french passport for US$10,000 and he went to thailand. he stayed there for a month or so before coming to vancouver and claiming refugee status. at first, his claim was that he was a student dissident in iran. then he changed his story, that he was actually gay and he was afraid of being returned. well, the truth was that he deserted and thats why he feared return. but anyway, he got lucky because he met this gay guy on the street and they became a couple. his boyfriend was actually working in the UN. he asked his boyfriend to write a letter proving his sexual orientation for the canadian IRB and thus after around 20 months the IRB approved his refugee claim. that was around 10 years ago. his family was quite well off, thus he had it easy. his brother bought a house in west vancouver and he stayed there. he also had a car. it was some pretty awesome life. he threw great parties and everything. his house was worth probably C$1.5mil. unfortunately, he was rather immature in thought. anyway his brother sold the house, he left art school, and his life crumbled. his brother offered him to work in dubai, but he screwed it up. he was even kidnapped in dubai. he had some pretty crazy experiences. anyway he only lived in my place for around 3 months. so now hes gone.

i know what i need now. i need friends. and lots of them. i need a social life, where people can look after me. yes, i should indeed try harder in finding friends. and i need to try and empathise with others more so that i can relate to them!

here ends my incredibly long and uninformative post about vancouver. its terribly lacking in detail and formatting, and i apologise!